On the Rhode Again II

I don’t know why it is that states like to lay claim to being the “first” at doing something, or to possess the oldest something, but they do. I have never understood how it could be that the license plates of North Carolina could claim “First in Flight,” and the license plates of Ohio claim, “Birthplace of Aviation.” One would think that one claim would necessarily entail the other and that two states could not claim the same “first.” In addition to those “firsts” named in the previous entry, Rhode Island was the first to:

 

• hold an auto race, 1895
• Hold an open golf tournament
• Hold a circus

Rhode Island boasts the oldest:

• working carousel
• tavern building (The White Horse Tavern, Newport)

Per capita, (Rhode Island can only compete in the “most something” categories when measured per capita) Rhode Island has the most:

 

• Catholics of any state
• Coffee/Donut shops (RI is “Dunkin’ Donuts Land” and there is a DD around every other corner and definitely across the street from every church)

Rhode Island is also home to the Tennis Hall of Fame.

The language of Rhode Island or, Rhode Islandese is a distinct New England vernacular; not quite Bawston and not quite New Yawk. The addition of the French-Canadian (or “Canuck”) accent of Northern Rhode Island renders it even more interesting and recognizable. There is a tendency to indiscriminately drop the ‘r’ from the middle and end of words, as in “I fuggot my credit cahd numbah,” and “I went to da bubblah and goddah drink a’ wata,” and “I got a Millah Lite beeh at the bah.” And “Did you see Trot hit da’ Green Monstah yesterdee at Fenway Pahk?” But nevah to be considid wasteful, Rhode Islandahs always make shur that da ‘r’ will mystically turn up somewheah else wheah it doesn’t belong, as in “I have a good idear,” and “I want a root beeh soder.” “Sleepah sofer” is a special challenge as is (as I found out recently), “My jawr is saw.” We also do very strange things with the ‘o’ so that coffee becomes “cawfee,” Cape Cod becomes “Cape Cad,” and a word like “order,” well, fugget it. It begins with an ‘o’ and ends in an ‘r’ so becomes “awdah.”  Doire tangent: Cawfee seems to be the state’s favorite flavor. There’s the “most coffee/donut shops per capita" thing and more coffee ice cream is sold (per capita) in RI than any other state. There is even an Official State Drink: coffee milk, which is made from milk and coffee syrup, made and bottled in…Rhode Island.

 

I have been public speaking since I was 16 years old and it was then that I began a concerted effort to incorporate the ‘r’ into my speech. It was hahd.  But I think I am successful most of the time. Two weeks ago, a man at Starbucks asked me if I was Scandinavian because of my “accent.”  Scandinavian? Oh yeah, good call, Buddy. I have been placed in Pennsylvania, Delaware, the Midwest and smack dab in the heart of Boston (by very perceptive linguists no doubt). I have lived in the south for 8 years now and the southern drawl also makes its way into my speech. This makes for an interesting combination. “Ah’ll have faahv jawr breakahs, please.”

 

When I become especially excited while lecturing in the classroom, I am vulnerable to losing an ‘r’ now and then. My students notice immediately. I tell them not to worry because sometime later in the afternoon, inevitably the ‘r’ will appear somewhere else, most likely where it doesn’t belong. After a visit to RI, it takes at least two weeks for me to get my ‘r’ groove back.

The Fox show “Family Guy” takes place in a town in Rhode Island named Quahog. Every Rhode Islander knows that there is no such place. A quahog (pronounced "KOE-hawg") is the Narragansett Indian word for clam. Rhode Islanders “go quahogging,” and when they dig some up from the beaches that form the coastline of The Ocean State, they go home and make “steamahs” to eat with their “chowdah.”

Many people know that Rhode Island is small but just for comparison’s sake; Rhode Island is 1214 square miles. From its northernmost point to its southernmost, 48 miles; from east to west, 37. But with its inlets, jagged coast and islands it boasts 400 miles of coastline, hence the legislature’s audacity in naming it The Ocean State. In the census from 2005, the population was 1,076,189. Charleston County has 919 square miles and 330,368 people (also a 2005 census). So, Chas. County is roughly ¾ of the square mileage of RI, but RI has 3 times more people. When I rent a car in Rhode Island, I rent from Rent-A-Wreck. This trip I’ll save $190 by picking the cah up in Providence instead of the airport. When I sign the paperwork, I am instructed that I am not allowed to leave the state. In Montana, who would care? But in Rhode Island that means a significant travel restriction. One cannot even drive from northern Rhode Island to Newport, RI without driving through a portion of the state of Massachusetts! Don’t tell Rent-A-Wreck, but I do it anyway.

My brother Ben is the day manager and bartender at a great family restaurant/sports bar. On the first floor of the establishment is the family restaurant and on the second, the sports bar (where one can also eat, of course). The feature of the second floor is a beautiful square bar, handmade out of ash. From every seat at the bar one has a breathtaking view of huge plasma televisions that according to season, will offer the patron Red Sox baseball, New England Patriots football, Boston Bruins hockey and Boston Celtics basketball. I spent so much time there two years ago that I got the t-shirt. No, really…I got a t-shirt. I was tempted to wear it on the first day of school, point to it and say, "This is what I did on my summer vacation."

I’m not sure what kind of Internet access I’ll have during my short stay in Rhode Island, but rest assured that when I return, I will recount my experiences and adventures in Little Rhody…