It's not easy being a feminist...

It’s not easy being a feminist…

 

It’s not easy being a feminist because as soon as you say the word, or any word connected to it say… “sexism,” or “patriarchy,” people assume that you are a raving, angry bitch who hates men and all things male. In fact, some put up their defenses so quickly they can’t see past your “this is what a feminist looks like” t-shirt, or your “god is coming and she is pissed” button. They don’t look into your eyes, they don’t see that the book you’re carrying is by Aristotle for Pete’s sake, and they don’t listen to the compassionate and gentle tone of your voice. The t-shirt (or word) stops them cold and they think they know you. But they don’t. They don’t know that there are men in your life that you love more than life itself. They don’t know that there have been men in your life who have been the most compassionate, loving and nurturing people that you have known. They don’t know that you think some women are nasty and mean-spirited and puny-hearted. They don’t know that you do not generalize between “men” and “women” and make huge sweeping assumptions about them based on their sex. Ironically, they don’t know that a feminist is not necessarily a sexist.

 

It’s not easy being a feminist because people tell you to “let it gooooooo.” They tell you that “all that” is in the past, and you need to “get over it.” They think that the whole world looks like Boston, Massachusetts. But then, you remember:

 

*Women remain at the lower end of a segregated labor market and continue to be concentrated in a few occupations, to hold positions of little or no authority and to receive less pay than men.

 

*Women and girls comprise half of the world's refugees and, as refugees, are particularly vulnerable to sexual violence while in flight, in refugee camps and/or during resettlement.

 

*Despite calls for gender equality, women are significantly under-represented in Governments, political parties and at the United Nations

 

*Every 2 and ½ minutes a woman is sexually assaulted in the U.S.

 

*2/3 of the world’s illiterate are women

 

*One out of six American women have been victims of attempted or completed rape

 

*In 2004 alone there were 210,000 victims of rape or attempted rape in the U.S.

 

*The #1 cause of death among pregnant women is murder

 

*The third largest global illegal trade (after drugs and arms) is the trafficking in women’s and children’s bodies.

 

And so you tell those people that no, it isn’t “in the past.” It was just last week. It was just yesterday. It was just two and a half minutes ago.

 

It’s not easy being a feminist because the men you meet whom you have not met before get scared, as if you have said, "I am a terrorist," or "I am an anarchist." But the last thing you want to do is scare people. Especially men. Especially the cute ones. And when you meet one, you know that it will happen and you hope that when it does they will have spent enough time with you to know who you are. You know it will happen. His friend will say something stupid about "women" and off you go. You want to stop but you can’t help yourself. Before you know it you find yourself talking about the Neolithic Period and your head says, “Stop now before it’s too late.” But it’s alreadytoo late. Because now you’re talking about  the death of Tiamat for Cripe's sake, and war mythology and men’s greatest source of angst; the need to know who their children are and that this is why in a patriarchal world women’s sexuality needed to be controlled. And then you’re talking about the Church and the theologians and Mary Magdalene and you’re out of control.

 

It’s not easy being a feminist if you are also a mother. Because you want to raise sons and daughters who do not subscribe to those antiquated and false gender restrictions and you wonder sometimes if you go too far; when you rant in the living room and no one in the family knows what to do. And when you watch The Little Mermaid with your 10 year-old daughter and you turn to her and say, “Now, you know what she’s giving up for this man, right?” And she says, “Mom, can’t I just watch a Disney movie without the feminist critique?” And you say, “OK, just checking.” But by the time she is sixteen and someone has given her a subscription to Seventeen magazine and you say, “Now remember to read that with your ‘feminist eye,’” she says, “Mom, I always read everything with my feminist eye.” And then, you breeeeathe.

 

It’s not easy being a feminist because it’s easier not to be. It’s easier not to have to walk around the world seeing.It’s easier not to care so much. It’s easier not to feel responsible for the liberation and re-construction of history. It’s easier just to be silent, invisible. It’s easier not to try to “lift a manhole cover with your head” (Marge Piercy). It’s easier not to stand against 5,000 years of androcentric literature, philosophy, theology, science, anthropology and political organization. It’s easier just to lay down and die.

 

So, why use the word at all? Because it is the only word that describes what it is.

It’s like asking a carpenter to call himself “a wood craftsperson who cuts and shaves and constructs stuff out of dead trees,” or a plumber, “someone who unclogs drains and plugs up leaking faucets and installs bathtubs.”

Nothing describes a plumber the way the word “plumber” does. And no string of words when tied together describes a feminist the way the word “feminist” does.

 

So, that’s why I use it. And that’s why I will never be heard to utter the words, “I’m not a feminist BUT…”  Because anyone who speaks those words IS a feminist. They are a feminist as soon as they say the word “BUT.” Because inevitably what follows that word will be what a feminist is. Even though it’s not easy.